Herusu Chekku!

Yesterday I was forced to get my first physical since I was like 8 years old, literally. Well, I guess I got a half-assed one before coming here, but still. Anyway, Japanese people are crazy about check-ups and teachers are forced to get one every year, which is good in theory, but I don’t like doctors!

Now in the States if we had to get a physical, we’d have to make an appointment with our doctor, wait for an hour in the waiting room, then wait for another half hour in the whatsit…um. What do you call the little room in the doctor’s office? Anyway, in that room! And you’d have to pay for it, too.

However, thanks to Japanese efficiency (I had forgotten it existed!) and socialized medicine, it took about 5 times longer to bike to the health center and back than the actual physical! It was seriously over in 10 minutes, and it was free! Clazy!

The Nitta Health Center had 2 days set aside for teachers getting physicals, so I biked down there (sweating my ass off, mmm!) and mentally prepared myself to sit and be bored. Man, was I surprised!

First I turned in my paperwork and they immediately directed me to the X-Ray wagon outside?! Um, wtf! It was like a blood drive trailer thing, but for X-Rays. Oh, Japanese people are obsessed with TB because we are in ghetto Asia, so we have to get cancer-causing pointless X-Rays every year. Not only this, but THEY DON’T GIVE YOU ANY LEAD SHIT TO COVER YOU UP. Good thing I don’t want kids ‘cause Jeff is officially sterile now! Also, the lady who takes the X-Ray wasn’t covered in any way either?! Um, NOT SAFE!

After changing my genetic code and turning into a mutant from no lead protection, I was immediately directed to the scale that weighed me and, without my knowledge, had this robotic thing that hit my head to measure me. I totally wasn’t standing up straight AND it freaked the shit out of me when it hit my head! Oh, well. Next they tested my eyes, then directed me to the next booth (these were all at tables with various people in charge of each thing, with NO WAITS at any of them! It was like a health check carnival!) where I was mysteriously given a paper cup and told something in Japanese. I wasn’t sure what he said (believe it or not, I hadn’t learned the word for “urine analysis”), but figured I knew where he was going….but why a paper cup?! That is rather ghetto. Anyway, he was like, “Er, go to the toilet.” Haha. Gross!!! Everyone came out of the bathrooms with paper cups full of urine in their hands! Nastay!

God knows what they did to my pee, then I was directed to the hearing booth and then I was done! I never had to wait for ANYTHING and I didn’t even have to get naked! My kind of physical, yo. Although really not very thorough, now that I think about it, as they didn’t check me at all. Like, shouldn’t they check my ears and throat and stuff? Eh, I don’t care!