I'm scared

K, I realized two things about myself that scared me today:

1. I worked hard today! Like, literally all day. I worked my ass off to plan next week's classes with the little time I was given. Then I was a good teacher and genki and shit, even though I was really tired. Since there were so many people gone from work today, I pretty much served the whole lunch to all of the staff (I had a few issues distributing even amounts but whatever), then was SUPER genki for 7kumi (special needs) 'cause they fucking rock. Then after that I planned lessons and stayed AFTER 4:15 ON A FRIDAY? What the hell?

2. I am becoming a nice, sharing person? What is that all about? Those of you that really know me know I'm a big fat bitch when it comes to a) sharing gum, b) sharing DVDs, and c) sharing books. Gum is my precious nicotine, and you'd better believe I don't offer it to people, and I often pretend it's my last stick if they ask me! But here (where there is no American gum to be found), I offer it to people?!

I am usually semi-nice about sharing DVDs, but box sets are usually off-limits as people tend to fuck up the boxes, and they are my babies. But now I'm like, "Yeah, sure, you should totally borrow that and this and that and this!" I even made a list of DVDs and books that I have so people could borrow them!

Which brings us to books. I am the biggest bitch about books EVER. My usual response to "Hey, Jeff, can I borrow that book?" would be "Fuck you, you'll just fuck that shit up and I don't want no fucking bent-up, torn-up, dog-earred book back, bitch!" But I currently have two books lent-out! I don't know what is happening to me.

If I become a nice, hard-working person after this experience, I will not be happy with myself!