China!

I dont think I will have a chance to blog anymore before I go on vacation (YAY vacation), but in case you want to stalk me and know where I am for the next two weeks, here is my itinerary for Chizina! I am too lazy to edit out the random squigglies that appear in it, so you can just deal with it!

Dec 21st Beijing Arrival stay at Tiantan Hotel ¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï
Arrival in Beijing, met and transferred to Tiantan Hotel or same class. The rest of the day is free.
Dec 22nd Beijing ( B L ) stay at Tiantan Hotel ¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï
Beginning the day with a visit to Tiananmen Square, the world largest. Then move on to the imperial palace, also known as the ¡°Forbidden City ¡° that symbolizes the imperial and traditional China. After lunch go on with the visit to Temple of Heaven, the place where the emperors of Ming and Qing Dynasties worshipped heaven and prayed for peace and harvest. Back to hotel
Dec 23rd Beijing ( B L D ) stay at Tiantan Hotel ¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï
Today's highlight is to visit the Great wall , symbol of Chinese civilization. After lunch, continue a visit to Dingling , one of the Ming Tombs, where 13 emperors were buried in Ming Dynasty. Peking Duck dinner and Peking Opera Show in the evening.
Dec 24th Beijing -- Xi'an by air stay at Xian Hotel Or Tangcheng Hotel¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï ( B L )
Take a morning flight to Xi'an. After lunch, city tour begins with a visit to the Shanxi Museum, the Bell Tower and City Wall. Stay at Xian Hotel or Tangcheng Hotel
Dec 25th Xian Stay at Xian Hotel Or Tangcheng Hotel¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï ( B L D )
Beginning the day with a once-in-a lifetime viewing of the extraordinary 2200-year-old terra-cotta Army of China's First Emperor-Qin Shihuang. Three exhibition halls house the continuing excavation of am army of 7,000 terracotta soldiers and horses that guard the tomb of the the First Emperor. After lunch visit Huaqing Hot Spring and Big Goode Pagoda .Local flavor dinner--dumpling . Tang Dynasty Show in the evening.
Dec 26th Xian ¡ªGuilin by air stay at Park Hotel ¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï ( B L)
Take morning flight from Xian to Guilin. Arrival in Guilin, met and transferred to Guilin Park Hotel. After lunch, visit to Fubo Hill ,Seven Star Park.Back to your hotel.
Dec 27th Guilin stay at Park Hotel ¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï ( B L D )
Enjoy a morning cruise down the winding Li River to Yangshou. Return to Guilin. Dinner and Minority Performance in the evening.
Dec 28th Guilin ¡ªShanghai by air and stay at Golden River-view Hotel Shanghai ¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï or Shanghai Ocean Hotel ¡ï¡ï¡ï¡ï ( B L D )
Half day City tour of Reed Flute Cave, Elephant Trunk Hill. Afternoon flight to Shanghai. Stay at Golden River-view Hotel Shanghai or Shanghai Ocean Hotel In the evening dinner will be served. After dinner, you will be arrange d to watch the fantastic acrobatic show
Dec 29th Shanghai ( B L )
Today's highlight is your visit to Yuyuan Garden and Bazar. After lunch, move on to the¡± Pedestrians only ¡° Nanjing Road and the Bund. Take one hour cruising on Huang Pu River.
Dec 30th Shanghai Exit ( B )
Transfer to airport for departure

That last part isnt right, tho, as Cindy and I have extended our stay in Shanghai until January 2nd. I am excited for that, as it is the city I am most looking forward to seeing, plus it is the best city of all of them to have New Years in! Yay! So, ittekimasu....I hope I survive the cold hell known as Beijing! ;)

Have a great Christmas and New Years...hope everyone is eating TONS of holiday food and drinking eggnog and whatnot for me!!!

The Time Traveler's Wife

I just finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife and it was SUCH a good book, I LOVED it. I haven't loved a book like this in a long time! I was purposely reading it slowly so that it wouldn't end! I highly recommend checking it out, I loved it loved it loved it! Thanks to Holly for forcing it down my throat, btw :) Hee hee.

A random quote from the author in an interview, which I found interesting:

"I do not quite understand why people are so suspicious of fiction. Nonfiction is every bit as managed and shaped as fiction is and has the disadvantage of being too much like real life."

Keitai Pictures

So I have been far too lazy to blog about what I have been up to lately, so instead I will just post random keitai pics, and they sorta say things about where I have been, so there ya go!



Plate #1 of the 3,765 servings I had at the Thanksgiving dinner in Maebashi. Oh my god, it was SO good and I literally ate at least 6,000 calories and loved every minute of it! Of course, it wasn't as good as my Grandma's, but what is?



My parents and grandma ROCK because they sent me my favorite thing in the world....my grandma's Thanksgiving rolls! ONLY my family would spend the time and money to express me rolls, but they are fucking AMAZING! Pure butter! They are my favorite part of the meal! MMMM!


So, I have heard nothing but incredible things about Beer Lao from everyone that goes to Laos (yes, people actually go to Laos!). I have heard it is the best beer in the world, but that they don't export it for unknown reasons (hello, you'd think they would want to make MONEY in that country?!). Anyway, I seriously was pondering going to Laos just to try the beer, but fortunately I found it at a sketchy Thai restaurant in Tokyo! Of course I don't think any beer could meet up to such expectations, but it was good!


The Christmas tree at Disneyland! It was huge! I LOVE DISNEYLAND CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!!!!


A moving Christmas tree in the Christmas parade (I was Japanese and actually watched the parade...usually I take advantage of the no-lines for rides during that time!).


This is currently my keitai wallpaper to get me in the Christmas spirit! So cute!


Is this not the cutest picture EVER?! Kawaii! Thanks to Ann for sending this!


I finally got to ride the Buzz Lightyear game for the first time ever! There is usually a huuuuuuuuuuuuge line. You ride around and shoot shit with your laser. Dude, apparently I should be in the military because I kicked fucking ASS at that game! I don't know if that is a good thing or not!


Mami is a genius and had us leave the park for lunch, and we went to a Hawaiian burger place. HOLY SHIT, I had the biggest and best avocado burger ever! I had been craving one for a month and it more than made up for it! I didn't know how to eat it, it was dekaiyo.


What can I say, I can fit big things in my mouth ;)


This is my AWESOME present I gave to a very lucky ALT for the gift exchange for the ALT Christmas enkai in Haruna. Is it not BEAUTIFUL?! ;)


Yes, only the best presents come from the conbini!

Lactose intolerant people are GAY!!!

Oh, boy, I can get married and have kids and watch football all day long! All I have to do is stop drinking soy milk!

This is why I don't exercise!

Fuck running, yo!

A sign I may be out of touch with American culture....

K, so until like two days ago I thought Tenacious D was the name of some rapper that I didn't know anything about. And it turns out it is two fat white guys, one of whom is Jack Black. Hmm, interesting. K, I know nothing about American culture anymore, let alone youth culture. Sad.

What is this, CHRISTMAS?!

Shout out to Holly (and Joja!) in the subject, yo!

Anyway, I have a confession to make….I have been downloading some MAJOR guilty pleasure music in the last week! I am on a one-man mission to make it feel like it is Christmas time. In the last week I have watched Love Actually, drank an absurd amount of sparkling apple cider (they have it here!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEEE!), and had about 500 gingerbread lattes from Starbucks. The next part of my Christmasification is...dare I say...listening to Christmas music! Yes, despite my absolute hatred for Christmas music that was caused by a life-altering four holiday seasons in a row at Barnes and Noble (oy), I am actually CHOOSING to listen to Christmas music! And not just any Christmas music, no no no...guilty pleasure Christmas music oh fo sho!

What is this music, you ask? Um, can we hear some Mariah Carey love up in here??? Yes, I hate her with a passion, but hello, who doesn’t love her Christmas album (namely “All I Want For Christmas is You,” which causes me to dance around Japanese department stores). I also MAY have downloaded the Nsync Christmas album. Also, it MAY have only been available in a huge file with their complete discography in it. Just maybe. Um, guilty pleasure FOR SURE! Jeff gonna be doin’ some dancing around his apartment (a good way to burn off Christmas calories, might I add!).

I also just downloaded some album called the VA Christmas Hits 3-CD package? I am not sure what that stands for, but I think it might be “Very Awesome” because it is some good shit, yo! It is the most random compilation album ever, as the artists include Bing Crosby, Michael Bolton, Cyndi Lauper, Frank Sinatra, Christina Aguilera, Wham, Elton John, Backstreet Boys, Eartha Kitt, Doris Day, Destiny’s Child and many more. Intriguing!

I also just learned of the existence of a new Sarah McLachlan Christmas CD? It is good, but like the most depressing Christmas music ever! That will be Jeff’s go-to-bed Christmas music, perhaps! I think the album should be called “Slit Your Wrists by the Fireplace.”

Anyway, yes, I think I may have enough Christmas music for now...next step in my Christmasification is Christmas-decorated DISNEYLAND this Friday! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!

The Best Conbini in the World!!!

On Thursday, Cindy and I skipped school so that we could “put extra pages in our passport” (our cover story for getting our Chinese visa). While there was drama with the visa (um, can I pretend to be Chinese and work at the embassy??? They work FOUR HOURS a day and don’t do shit!), it was worth the trip to Roppongi just to see a Natural Lawson! Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude, they are the best conbinis EVER!

So, Lawson is a conbini that is good enough, though not particularly amazing (Ministop forevah, mothahfuckahs!). However, they have recently opened Natural Lawson, which is a conbini but with natural stuff, veggies, fruits, good products, etc. They are only in Tokyo and there aren’t that many of them, so I was excited to see one on the way to the embassy. And dude, they fucking rock, yo! It is like a mini Trader Joe’s, but in conbini form! It was fucking awesome.

I took some blurry pictures with my keitai (I had to do it in a hurry because I was embarrassed):




Their man, mmmm.

Anyway, if you find a Natural Lawson you’ve gots to try the man, yo! They are the SHIT! We had a kurogoma anman (black sesame and azuki paste), a sweet potato man, and a fucking AMAZING takaya man, which is spinach and pork. It tasted like it was just made by Chinese peeps in the back! Then again, maybe it was, as we were in China Town! Hehe.

Anyway, here is their site if you are interested. And even more interesting is their menu of man (dude, I am going back for the pumpkin one, yo!).

K, I am a loser, but it is the shit, yo! Non-food-related posts (gasp!) to come later in the week :)

Yummy Seasonal Stuff

So, in Japan they love love love having seasonal stuff. With the change of seasons comes all kinds of new products (of course I am referring mainly to food here). Go to any conbini right around now and you will find tons of new “limited time” winter treats. There is limited time sparkling cider (mmmm!!!), limited time Kit-Kats, limited time winter-y chocolates, etc. etc. Now normally Jeffrey doesn’t like change and would want the same yummy treats to be available all year-round. However, for some reason it is okay in Japan!

Two winter things that you MUST HAVE if you are in Japan are:



Strawberry daifuku! HOLY SHIT, they are so good. I had my doubts last year, but they are the most amazing things EVER! So, normal daifuku are mochi (rice cake) with azuki bean paste in the middle. It is sweet and YUMMY. However, strawberry daifuku are 300 times better! The mochi is somewhat strawberry-flavored AND there is a strawberry in the middle with the bean paste! IT IS SO GOOD!!!!!! They just came out this week and I have already had three. MMMM!


This is new this year...white chocolate and pistachios combined into one orgasmic cube of delight! Hello, could there be a better, fattier combination?!

I don’t have a picture of it, but fukahire man (shark fin Chinese-style dumplings) from Ministop are the shit, too! YAY limited time oishii stuff!!!

I love the fall!

Dude, I have had the easiest weeks EVER lately!!!! This month I had the 3rd off (Culture Day), then a full week of school (um, not acceptable!), then on the 15th I got the day off, as I had to teach two classes on Saturday, the 18th (an acceptable trade, as I got the whole Wednesday off!). Then I got Thursday the 23rd off for Labor/Thanksgiving Day last week, and this week I have a conference on Wednesday (no shou, yay!) AND I get Thursday off to take care of passport drama (well, hopefully, the Chinese Embassy is sketchy!!!). Then I am taking next Friday off for Disneyland (!!!), then SADLY I have a full week, followed by a 3-day week before China!!! WOOT! Then I have two weeks off, then two days of sitting on my ass in the staffroom, then a 3-day weekend before the term starts! I love this shit!

Free shit at school!

Dude, this week at school rocks, as I have gotten random free shit! It is especially helpful, as I am broke as shit at the moment (more on that in a future post). Anyway, last Friday Momose Sensei gave all of the 3nensei teachers these lemon drinks that were really yummy? Not that exciting, but still nice! Then I arrived at work on Monday to find a big present on my desk. It was from a high school in Kiryu that gave all of the 3nensei teachers presents to try to suck up to them. Thankfully, I am a fake 3nensei teacher, so I get the presents, too (including a set of pens that I love, woot). It is not the most amazing present in the world, as it is a HUGE towel with an ugly picture of a samurai or something on it, but whatever, that means I don’t have to do towel laundry as often ;) Then after school I came back to my desk to find a piece of apple pie on it! One of the 3nensei teachers made apple pie and gave slices to every 3nensei teacher! Awww!

Then today I needed to move around, so I was walking around the halls, when the home ec. (is that how you spell that?!) teacher stopped me and was like, do you want some leftover miso soup? Hell, yeah! So I chatted with her while I ate yummy miso soup that 2nensei students had made. Ironic that I was walking to burn off calories and then ended up eating a bowl of soup, but oh well! Hehe.

So yes, lets hope this week of free stuff continues, and a 3nensei teacher decides to treat us all to a trip to Thailand or something!

I'm back in bloody middle school!

K, I have decided that I am living in junior high again, and I really have no desire to do so, as it wasn’t even fun the first time! I used to think that my kids were retarded (I mean that in the best way possible!) kids who didn’t really notice anything. However, I have come to realize that they are like queeny gay men, observing one’s characteristics and (most importantly) personal flaws, just in case they are needed for a cat fight in the future! Today my special needs kids were doing impressions of various teachers and they were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good at it (and fucking hilarious), it was ridiculous!!! They totally notice the….how do you say komakai tokoro? Like, details. It is really crazy!

Anyway, you can totally notice the kids judging you when you walk by them or when you are teaching. Not necessarily because they are bitches (tho some of them are), but because they are teenagers and that is what they do! It’s especially sad, as I realized that I worrat they think. They totally know that I have like three pairs of work pants that I rotate on a regular basis. They also affect what I wear! I don’t want to wear something too often or they will be like, "Oh, you’re wearing THAT shirt again!" Hahaha. Not that they would say it (probably), but you know they are thinking it!

So yeah, sad, I am totally a 13 year-old again. Bah!

So for my 2nensei class I am having them do a dialogue in which one person is going to Tokyo and doesn’t know where to go, and the other (who goes to Tokyo all the time) is suggesting good places to go. It has a basic set thingy and the kids insert certain words and places themselves (which I am italicizing here). Today two of my best students had funny ones that I had to share. Plus it is in good English!!!

A: You look very tired.

B: Yes. I am going to Tokyo on Friday! I want to go sightseeing, but I don’t know much about Tokyo.

A: Oh, really? I love Tokyo! I go there every week with my
girlfriends.

B: Really? Will you please tell me good places to go sightseeing?

A: Why don’t you go to Kabukicho? It is very fun. You can meet many kids of women there.

B: That sounds great! Thank you!

A: Have fun in Tokyo!

K, that is only fun if you know about Kabuki-cho, but it is funny, dammit ;)

And one other:

A: You look very angry.

B: Yes. I am going to Tokyo on Friday! I want to go sightseeing, but I don't know much about Tokyo.

A: Oh, really? I love Tokyo! I go there every day with my
three thousand dogs.

B: Really? Will you please tell me good places to go sightseeing?

A: Why don’t you give up going to Tokyo? It is very dangerous. You can not do anything there.

B: That sounds great! Thank you!

A: Have fun in Tokyo! (and he wrote in (?) here, hehe)

K, so maybe these don’t seem funny to anyone but me, but you have to be an ALT here to understand! They actually thought outside of the box!

Takasaki AEON!

On Saturday Cindy and I went a pretty-much-ridiculous distance to check out the new Takasaki AEON. It is either the biggest AEON in western Japan or all of Japan, I am not sure which...either way it is damn big, yo! It is three floors and has tons of stores and food and shit! It was really crowded but it is big so it wasn't overwhelming. Of course Cindy and I mainly got excited over the food places that they don't have at our AEON. Apparently the other people were equally excited, as there were HUGE lines for all of the dessert places! It looked like fucking Tokyo Disneyland (where more people wait for food than for rides)! Anyway, here are a few keitai pics from the trip:


They had a VERY dorky exhibit of replicas of costumes from a Power Rangers-ish show (I forget what it is called). There were tons of costumes, tho! Needless to say, a buncha little boys (and scary otaku) were very excited about it.




The MOST exciting news of the month...Starbucks has SEASONAL DRINKS this year!!!!! That's right, I finally finally finally get to have a damn gingerbread latte, my favorite drink EVER. And they have toffeenut lattes (woot!) and chocolate mint mochas. Um, you had better believe I am going to Starbucks as many times as possible in the next two months! It IS Christmas!


Me and my gingerbread latte.....pure joy.

Photos Update

I updated my photos page with Taiwan, Halloween, and more, so check it out, yo!

Love Hotel Lovin'

Yes, I lost my love hotel virginity, and I have the pics to prove it!




What seems like a normal hotel room.....




Cindy shows off the amazingly real cityscape


Hmm, how strange, why would a hotel provide condoms to its guests?


One flip of a switch and the romance begins!



The control above the bed that helps you control the magic...




Love hotels rock!

Sad!!!

Dude, I hope there is an Oregon left to go home to in August!

Mikan!

It is a glorious time of year, as mikan are in season! Yay! Perhaps one of the only good things about the dreadfully cold winter to come is that at least I can eat mikan all day long. For those who don't know, mikan are like small oranges. There is some random English word for them, but I don't know it and you probably don't, either. They aren't tangerines, though. Anyway, they are perfect, as they are yummy and vitamin C-y, but not too big to eat for one person like an orange! They are the perfect snack. AND they are the ONLY cheap fruit to be found in this country! To celebrate this momentous occasion, I bought a huge bag of them and have been having approximately four mikan a day. Woot!

One of my kids has personality AND can speak English?!

K, so Cindy and I have the same blog and we are both writing about what our students wrote in class, but get over it! Hehe. I was gonna say this anyway, dammit ;)

Anyway, in the 3nensei class we are doing this boring (I mean exciting! Yes, EXCITING!) handout with questions about the kids' favorite song. It is like what is your favorite song, who sings it, why do you like it, etc. The kids write the answers to the individual questions, then write a paragraph about their favorite song. Anyway, I go around and help the kids out while they write it, check their answers, etc. On Tuesday I got to this one boy who wrote "I don't know" to all of the questions, which caught my eye, so I read his paragraph, and it was the following:

I don't listen to music. I don't like music. But I know many singers. I don't have any money, so I can't buy CDs. Please give me money.

Hee hee! Maybe it isn't that funny in "real life," but it is nice to see someone thinking outside the box! And he only had one error on the whole sheet!

Maybe the world ISN'T ending?!

...or at least is ending in a better way than expected. Thank GOD for the results of the elections yesterday! Well, a lot of them, at least. Not that Democrats aren’t retarded, too, but at least they are far less retarded than Republicans. They had better ganbaru in Virginia so they can have the House AND the Senate. Hmmm. AND Rumseld is getting the fuck out now, yay yay yay!

Of course, now that the Democrats actually have power, the Republicans will just blame any problem on them since they are “in charge,” but it will be a good thing for the most park, kana? Hmm.

AND whatever-inbred-state-it-was didn't vote to make abortions illegal! Perhaps there is hope. Of course, not really, because I am totally ignoring the homophobic shit that went down, but we will pretend that didn’t happen. Fucking dumbasses.

It's time for.....more random photos!

Pics from the weekend in Tokyo!


The kick-ass Anpanman store in Shinbashi!


Me, Shokupanman and Anpanman


Displays outside




Japanese people know how to advertise! This display for the Rent DVD was at Tower Records...it had all kinds of shit popping up out of it, a TV screen playing highlights of the movie, and lots of DVDs.



A reflection-y picture of the TTB poster.


Jumpin' Jap Flash, indeed!


A picture of my desk....aren't I a serious and professional ALT? Hehehe. Apparently I work in Heaven, based on the strange lighting going on here.

Pics of Taiwan, Halloween and the Love Hotel during the weekend, kana?

The month of musicals has started!

On Saturday Ann and I saw Tick Tick Boom (by Jonathan Larson, who wrote Rent) and it was goooooooood! I wasn’t sure how it would be in Japanese, but I enjoyed it more than I expected! They added stuff to the script to explain things that wouldn’t translate (for example, the origins of Twinkies, hahaha) and expanded a few things, which I normally wouldn’t agree with, but it actually worked! The actor who played Jonathan was Mark in the Japanese cast of Rent, and has done TONS of other big shows, and it showed! He was good. We had some failed J-Pop star as Susan, and she was a total diva, but could actually sing (in a J-Pop sort of way) and was better than I expected. The guy who played Michael was an American, and it was weird, because they had him speak in half English and half Japanese? I am not sure why, exactly, but whatever, it worked for the most part. Anyway, I am glad that I finally saw the show live (I had only seen boots), and it was nice to see a musical for the first time in too long! Fortunately I am making up for it this month by seeing Rent twice! YAY, Jonathan Larson month!

I hate Japan for being advertising whores and giving you 300 ads for coming shows when you see one! They gave us a SHITLOAD at TTB and it made me spend money, just like it did at Movin’ Out (that is how I found out about TTB in the first place). Anyway, a big production of Sweeney Todd is being done in January! I normally would refuse to see translated Sondheim, but it has a bunch of famous people in it and is being directed by a famous director and looks fucking FREAKY AS SHIT, so Ann and I decided to splurge and get tickets to it. It is almost completely sold out, so we are gonna have to haul ass after school on a Friday to make it, but hopefully it is worth it. Sadly we are in the last row, sigh. Damn Japan for not letting you choose tickets! That doesn’t work for musical whores/snobs like me!

3-Day Weekendo!

The fall is awesome because we have hella holidays going on up in hea, yo! Friday was Culture Day (HELLO, Culture Day is totally my favorite holiday!!!), so we got the day off, which was much-needed, as I am sick of worko! Cindy and I were going to be all nature-y and go to Oze, which is on the northern border of Gunma and is supposed to be all pretty and stuff. We were like, “We are sick of doing city stuff all the time, let’s go to something nature-y!” Then we found out it is cold up there and everything is probably dead already, so of course our next choice was to be SO nature-y and go to Tokyo instead. Hahaha. It was fun, though!

So I am sick of Tokyo because I always go to the same places and it isn’t exciting anymore. However, we decided to be spontaneous and try out new places and it was different and fun, woot! One of the most surprising finds was Shinbashi. We were only walking around there to switch train lines, but we found all kinds of cool places, mainly food, of course. They have a BAZILION yummy-looking restaurants there, abunaiiiiiii! They also have a fucking AWESOME Anpanman store there, yo! Anpanman fucking rocks! I got new toys for my desk and a Shokupanman hook-y thing for my keitai, too. Sweeto!

We randomly went to Subway, as they had these yummy-looking toasted wraps that were fucking GOOD! They were like fake burritos or something, they were awesome! I wish we had Subway in Gunma, hrm.

Anyway, after Shinbashi we went to Odaiba, which is one of the more famous places in Tokyo that I hadn’t been to. I am glad I went, but I don’t really see what the big deal is. We went to this shopping area that was a TOTAL fucking rip-off of the Parisian or whatever you call it in Vegas. It would be cool if they didn’t just copy the damn place! Oh, well.

After Odaiba we went to Naka-Meguro, which is a place that Cindy’s friend recommended. It is cool in that it has lots of little shops, but we were expecting something else and totally weren’t in the mood to shop, so it was kinda wasted on us. However, it TOTALLY redeemed itself when we found a motherfucking TACOS STAND there! Holy shit! They were cheap (well, for Japan) and were fucking good!!! The pork and guac taco tasted like the ones Eduardo and I would get at the Mexican store in Eugene! Holy shit, that shit was good. The guy like lives above it and stuff and I want to be his best friend, just because you know he is cool with shit like that! And they had Corona. I want to live there!

For dinner we made our way over to our favorite Indian restaurant in the world in Harajuku. It is seriously SO good and it is so reasonable! I fucking love that shit. We also made up for eating a lot by walking from Harajuku to Shibuya! Of course it isn’t that far, but it SOUNDS far! Haha.

I had to be in Tokyo the next day anyway, and Cindy didn’t want to worry about last trains back, so we checked another thing off our list by staying in a love hotel for the night!!! YAY! So for those who don’t know, love hotels are HUGE in Japan. We decided Japan is the only country that could have them and not be sketchy. They are hotel rooms that you can rent either for a few hours, or for the night. They are basically for having sex in. However, it isn’t TOO gross, I swear! One of the main reasons they exist is because people in Japan (for the most part) live with their parents until they get married, so they need somewhere else to have sex. A lot of husbands and wives also live in small apartments where they have no privacy, so it is also used for that reason. Of course, it is also used for affairs, too, but whatever.

Anyway, if these were in the States they would be dirty and disgusting. However, in Japan they are clean and a lot of them are cute! Some of them are themed rooms, and you know we had to shop around for the right one! It is awesome because in Shibuya they have TONS and TONS of love hotels, so you can literally shop for the perfect room. You just go in the lobby (where you don’t see the worker at the counter, you just see their hands, for privacy, haha) and there is a lit-up menu with pictures of each room that is available. If you like one of the rooms, you hit the button, then pay the lady (or her hands, rather) and get the key. If you don’t see one you like, you just go to the next hotel. Cindy and I went into at least 20-30 hotels before finding the right room! Yes, good ol’ Star Crescent had the room for us! It was a city-themed room and it fucking rocked! In normal light it looked like a normal room, but when you turn on the black lights all of the walls have like the city painted on it and shit! It was fucking awesome, yo. It was also nice, in that it came with a DVD player (we are probably the first guests to not watch porn, but to watch The American President, hahaha), a pretty big TV, satellite radio (I think, it had a million channels!), a huge shower area, etc! And it was cheaper than most hotels in Tokyo! Fuck, yeah, I am staying in love hotels from now on! We had to enjoy it to the fullest, so we left the music AND black lights on while we slept, hehe. Oh, by the way, we didn’t have sex ;) Haha.

Anyway, we totally have to go back to the Star Crescent at some point, as there were more vacancies when we checked out, and they had a damn beach-themed room with like the ocean on the wall! That is totally what we wanted in the first place! We are SO going back!

Ayashiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

One of the most annoying parts of Japanese school culture to me is that random-ass peeps just come to our school to sell stuff and everyone has to be nice to them (well, for the most part) and host them and be like "Yes, you can sell random shit here, have some green tea!!!" I really don’t get it at all and it annoys me and I ignore the bitches (of course they ignore me too since I am a whitey). The only time I have ever listened to any of them is when a guy came during the summer trying to sell a $2,000 water filter (okay, first of all who cares that much about healthy water, and second of all, why would you be like "Let’s go school-to-school and sell these!!!") because he bought us bentos. Hell, yeah!

Anyway, today marks the sketchiest people so far, as they came in during lunch and set up shop in the back, making everyone clean their kyushoku trays in the hall instead of at the tables that they took over. Anyway, they put this crappy green blanket on top of the table and bust out all of these random-ass ties and shitty t-shirts? Everyone is ignoring the t-shirts, but the teachers are going fucking CRAZY over the ties! There were about ten guy teachers crowding over them all, buying them like mofos! Talk about disposable income, I think I am gonna bring all of the stuff I don’t want in my apartment and sell it in the back of the fucking staffroom, yo!

Anyway, in a country that are total bitches when it comes to sketchy countries like China and stuff, how can they think this is normal and be like “Oh my GOD, give me some of these ties!!!” These people are clazy, yo.

Fucked-up Shit

Dude, I kid around that I work at a ghetto school, but today really proved that it is GHETTO, yo. So I was going to my last class of the day, 3-5, which is a good class except that it has Yoshiki, the worst 3nensei student. He has ADHD and thinks he is hot shit and thinks he owns the school, and the teachers pretty much let him do so, as he always leaves class, runs around, yells, etc. He has been much better this year than last year, as he pretty much just leaves class instead of kicking desks and shit like that while I am teaching. I don't give a shit if he isn’t there, as he wont study anyway.

Anyway, today I am walking to 3-5 and I see Ms. Kimura, my 3nensei JTE, walking ahead of me. All of a sudden Yoshiki comes running really fast past me, laughing and running away from someone, and he pushes Ms. Kimura out of the way so he can hide in a corner thing. However, he accidentally fucking pushed her head-first into the wall! Not just the wall, but like...how do you say? Like the corner? Like. Er. A corner sticking out, not one going in. I don't know English! Anyway, she went head-first into the corner of the wall and all of a sudden she was on the ground and wouldn’t move. It was fucking scary!!! Teachers came and tried to help her up, but she wasn’t moving. So I ran to the nurse's room and got the nurse and ran upstairs with the stretcher to put Ms. Kimura on, and the teachers had to lift her up and put her on there, then she disappeared to the health room! She is still there, recovering, but I think she is okay? The teachers keep saying something about anemia, which makes no sense to me...I don't know if it is the cover story, or what the hell anemia has to do with anything, but yeah. It was FUCKED UP and scary, yo! I taught the class by myself and it was weird to pretend things were normal. FREAKY!!!!

What's even worse is that today was the big day when the BOE people come to observe classes and stuff, so two of them saw the whole thing! I am sure that reflects well on Yabuchu!!!

Teachers aren't as busy as you think!

It always amuses me that Japanese teachers are really busy and stay late and everything, but that they still find time to play at work. I mean, I guess they have to, or they would go muy loco, but it always surprises me. Usually they just waste hours in the shokuinshitsu by gossiping about students, but today the entertainment in the 3nensei group was to check who of us can drink! It was the most Japanese thing ever. So we all got band-aids with rubbing alcohol on them, and we had to put them on the inside of our elbow (is that what you call it?) for seven minutes. Then you take the band-aid off and wait ten minutes, and if it is red it means you are...weak to alcohol. How do you say? Um. A lightweight! Yes. Or that you shouldn't drink. Anyway, none of us were red, so either it doesn’t work or we are all alcoholics, I am not sure which! It was fun, though. Clazy Senseis.

Oy

Today I was asked the following two questions by two 3nensei students:

-How do you spell "hello?"

-What is the difference between "what" and "why?"

Um, these kids have been studying English for THREE years!!!!! Not a good sign......

Sex and AIDS Education in Japan

The Japan Times has an interesting article about the lack of AIDS and sex education in Japan. It is really disturbing that lots of Japanese men don't use condoms....yet another one of those "We are Japanese, so we are invincible" cases that I still don't understand whatsoever.

Sex and AIDS Education in Japan

The Japan Times has an interesting article about the lack of AIDS and sex education in Japan. It is really disturbing that lots of Japanese men don't use condoms....yet another one of those "We are Japanese, so we are invincible" cases that I still don't understand whatsoever.

Random thoughts on Taiwan

K, so I already babbled like a mofo about what I did in Taiwan, but many people (including myself before I went) don’t know much about Taiwan, so sit down and let me tell you the tale of a land called Taiwan! Or something. Anyway, here are random thoughts I had about the place, people, etc.:

-Because of geographical reasons, there are NOT many whities in Taiwan whatsoever, and most of the tourists were Japanese. Because of this I got TONS of stares for being a big tall honky. However, I didn’t notice as much as Cindy did, I guess because I am used to it from Japan! But they were innocent stares, not like “Get out of here, big –nosed demon!” stares. I did scare some children, though, which was sad.

-Poor Cindy! It sucks to be Asian in Asia, as everyone assumed she was either Chinese or Japanese or something. Because of this, and due to our height differences, I looked like a big weirdo talking to myself in English on the streets, sad! Then again, it probably looks like that in Japan!

-Taiwanese people LOVE TO EAT! Like, they are never not eating. Japanese people never walk and eat, but Taiwanese people ALWAYS do! I dunno how they are not the size of their country!

-There are conbinis and banks EVERYWHERE in Taiwan! I think there is one for every person, at least!

-I have decided that Taiwan is half Japan and half China. I expected it to be all China, and was pleasantly surprised that the people were nice and weren’t yelling at us all the time or anything. It is dirtier than Japan and obviously has more Chinese-related food, but the people are more Japanese in that they aren’t scary. Haha. They were really nice, friendly, helpful and relaxed. I sound like the Taipei Chamber of Commerce, but it’s true! They had a bit of an island-people feel about them, in that they didn’t seem to really care or worry too much about anything. It was nice!

-The weather was great! It was hot during the day but not too hot, and the nights were just perfect. Me rikey (tho summer is probably scary hot).

-They enjoy their coffee more than Japanese people! Japan doesn’t have nearly enough coffee shops, and Taiwan has lots…I miss sitting in coffee shops, bah!

-Taiwan is way family-oriented. People would always be out with their families, and it was really cute/nice to see that. In Japan most kids (like Jr. high school and higher) are always out with their friends, but we didn’t see much of that in Taiwan. In fact, we didn’t see that many teenagers, I think they are hidden somewhere!

-Chinese in Taiwan isn’t scary and ugly like I expected it to be! I am not ready for mainland China Chinese!

-Um, I think every person and pet owns a fucking scooter in Taipei. It was CRAZY. You have no idea!!!! Unfortunately they assume they are safe on them and like have their babies and shit on them?! I saw one parent with a baby on the back and a baby in the front while scooter-ing! NOT SAFE!

-Taiwanese people apparently love carnivals, as there are like carnival booths and games everywhere?! I don’t get it.

-I don’t know how people in Taiwan produce, as they all appear to be gay or lesbian! Haha, well not really, but there are lots of lesbian-y girls and lots of gay-ish guys, yo! Way moreso than here, and I didn’t think that was possible!

-Cindy said this on her blog, too, but both Taipei and Taiwanese people don’t have a definable image. We spent four days ALL over the city and we couldn’t find a skyline or certain image that seemed to define Taipei. Likewise, Taiwanese people all look way different and don’t look like they are from the same genepool or whatever like Japanese, etc. people do! It was weird, I couldn’t tell who was Taiwanese and who was a tourist!

And yes, those are my random-ass thoughts on Taiwan! GO THERE!

Shopping and eating in another country! (Last part, I swear)

Our last full day in Taipei was pretty similar to our first day, so I will just go through it quickly! Well, as quickly as wordy Jeff can!

We started off the day with more Din Tai Feng...MMMMMMM! IT WAS SO GOOD! I don’t think they liked us much, though, as we took our time eating, and they are all about the speed there. They sort of kicked us out in the end, but I still love them! We then realized we were poor as fuck and needed to get more money exchanged...an easy enough thing, when there are like HUNDREDS of banks on one block in Taipei. However, we were retarded and left our passports in our hotel room. Thankfully the bank lady liked us and was able to take our gaijin cards, since they have our passport numbers on them. Yay racist Japanese people needing to identify us wide-eyed criminals!

After that we went to a temple (good tourists!), and it was actually interesting, even tho I am SICK of temples. They are different than Japanese and Korean ones, and have really amazing detailed work in their carvings/sculptures, etc. It was purty. We then went to another mall and saw The Departed, since it wont come to Japan for a million years. It was good! Infernal Affairs was better, but it was a good movie, and I actually thought Leonardo DiCaprio was good in it, even tho I hate him? Hmm, weird. We then were bigger losers and spent like 45 minutes in a Taiwanese grocery store getting food to bring back home! It was really quite sad, but at least we have foreign food now. Sad, we are LOSERS.

After that we did some more shopping, including a GHETTO Kiehl’s experience (sad, Kiehl’s cant be ghetto, I love it too much!!!), got some more late-night dim sum, then went back to the Shi Lin market for some wandering and dessert. We had the MOST amazing kakigori (shaved ice) EVER!!!!!! It was mango shaved ice, but the ice was actually made of mango milk rather than just water. SO GOOD!!!!!!! Sigh, I want more.

The next day we got harassed some more by the scary Japanese-speaking tour guide, bought some last-minute shit, and left Taipei to go back to boring Japan and boring school! SAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

And yeah, that is our food-filled trip! Hmm, this summary was really boring, sorry! I actually have thoughts on the people/culture/etc, so I will post those later, as maybe they will actually be more interesting. Maybe ;)

Shopping and eating in another country! (Part Two)

So Sunday was our first full day in Taiwan, and we seriously went ALL OVER Taipei. Cindy and I are now the causes of global warming, as we took cabs everywhere! Taipei is really really big and spread out, so no matter where you go you are never near the next place? I don’t really get how that works, but yeah, every cab ride was really long. Sigh. Oh, well, we have ridden bikes for the last year, we can add some pollution once in a while (the excuse for driving for the rest of my life)!

So yeah, in the morning we went to Din Tai Fung, a famous restaurant chain in Taipei that is known for their steamed dumplings. Um, let me say that this place is AMAZING and you all need to go RIGHT NOW! It was sooooooooooooooo good. Everything they make is just fucking amazing. We were smart and went right when they opened, as when we left there was a HUGE mob waiting to get in (I am not even exaggerating!). God, it was good. I of course took pictures of the food (loser), so I will upload them eventually, but you can check out their website here if you want to.

After that we decided to be good tourists and went to the famous National Palace Museum. It was a really nice-looking museum and everything, but all of the stuff IN the museum was the same! Like, you can only see so many dishes and vases and stuff. I like museums just fine, but I prefer paintings and stuff, and the museum just didn’t have enough varied stuff for my taste. But oh, well, at least it was something other than shopping and eating! After that we went to Wufenpu, a garment market, that was far too trashy for both of us, so we quickly got the hell outta there. We are NOT market people!

We then cabbed it to Ximenting, a real shopping area, that looked EXACTLY like a shopping area we went to in Seoul! Like, seriously, it felt like we were in Korea. It was nice, though, and I got a Puma bag, yay. And we had a yummy kakigori dessert and AMAZING noodles! We were being all local-y, as a buncha Taiwanese people were waiting in line for them, so we decided we had to, too. Mmm, they were good.

That evening we made our way over to Taipei 101, the tallest building in the world. It is seriously the tallest building in the world for no reason whatsoever. Like, I highly doubt Taipei NEEDS a building that tall...ut at least it is well-designed! And it has THE FASTEST ELEVATOR EVER!!!!! We went up 80 stories in 30 seconds! It was CRAZY!!!!!

We did a bit more shopping after Taipei 101, then made our way to a restaurant for Jeff’s first dim sum experience! It was yummy, but the restaurant was like EMPTY except for three tables, and it was eerily quiet, yo. Like, way too quiet. But it was good! Yay, dim sum! Looking back, it might not have been a good idea to have a huge-ass dinner at 10 PM, but oh well. It was a good day! To be continued...

Shopping and eating in another country! (Part One)

So the big adventure of the month is that Cindy and I Chinese-d it up in Taiwan (specifically Taipei) from Saturday ‘til Tuesday. It was goooooooooooood times, yo! We didn’t even know what the hell we would do there until a few days before we left, but it was way better than I expected it to be (not that I expected it to be crappy or anything) and I highly recommend going there! Good shopping and eating, good people, good times, good trip, yo!

Shinders and I made our way to Narita on Saturday and we left that afternoon. We went knowing we would be losers and see a movie while we were in Taiwan, but had to choose between The Devil Wears Prada (I fucking love that movie!) and The Departed. Well, Cathay Pacific made that choice easy for us, as we got to watch Prada on the plane! Woot! Anyway, the flight went way fast thanks to the movie. So we got to Taiwan and found the airport to be ghettoooooooooooo! Not a good first impression at all! We also got ripped off on the yen exchange, which was not cool. So we booked the (cheap-ass) trip through a (cheap-ass) tour, which means they would pick us up from the airport and take us to our hotel. We did the same in Korea, but this one was totally different! We had this fucking crazy-ass Taiwanese lady who was like the most Chinese lady ever! That is not a good thing when it means she has to deal with Japanese tourists (and us) and try to be all formal and Japanese-like! She was formal for like three seconds and then started using informal speech, sat down and didn’t look at us while giving the tour on the bus (a big no-no) and was just fucking crazy and NOT Japanese! It was amusing but weird! Like, you cant learn a language and not learn the culture, yo!

Anyway, after getting taken to like 300 hotels before ours (not amused!), Cindy and I finally got to the Santos Hotel, which was really damn nice!!! I was impressed. Plus it was right next to two conbinis, how could you complain?! Of course, in Taiwan EVERYWHERE is next to two conbinis, it is CRAZY! There are like 300 times more conbinis than in Japan, which I didn’t think was possible.

That night we went to the Shi Lin night market, which is the biggest night market in Taipei. It is BIG and was crazy crowded! We soon discovered that Taiwanese people NEVER sleep and NEVER stop eating! Seriously, if Cindy and I were amazed at their eating ability, something is SERIOUSLY wrong with them! We honestly got full just watching them eat. Of course, that didn’t stop us from eating, ourselves! We were sadly the most wasteful people ever in Taiwan, as we just wanted to try bites of everything, so we would try things and throw away stuff we didn’t need. Whoops! So yeah, we devoured all kinds of food that night while we wandered around the crazy-crowded market. For some reason we went to countless markets, even though we soon discovered we hate shopping at markets. The thing one does in the (pointless) search for bootleg DVDs! I did get a couple of cheap legal DVDs, though, which is good enough for me!

That night we went to bed hella late (2 AM, what am I, a college student?! Hehe) and slept a bit before discovering the greatest restaurant in the world the next morning! What is this mysterious amazing restaurant? You will have to wait to find out, muahahaha.

Nalgenes don't translate into Japanese

Like many gaijin, I get a million questions from confused Japanese people when they see my Nalgene bottle full of water. The most common question is, “What's in that?” Hmm, let's see, a large amount of a clear liquid...it is OBVIOUSLY vodka! I mean, what the fuck would it be other than water at work, seriously!

Anyway, a question I have been getting a lot lately from students (after I explain that it's water) is, “Oh, do you only drink water from America?” Now, this is an acceptable question from shougakkou kids, as many of them think that I fly to work from America every day. However, what kind of retarded chuugakkou kid would ask that?! Many of them, apparently! How would I even get American water? “Mom, please mail me 100 gallons of water from America, I REFUSE to drink Japanese water for the two years that I am here!” I guess maybe they could assume it is bottled water from the store, but most of that comes from Japan, too. I don't get it!

Of course, maybe it is best to not question the odd logic found here. This IS a country where I get asked, “Oh, can you eat fish? You can?! YOU ARE SO JAPANESE!,” as if fish are some rare animal found only in the Sea of Japan. It is also amazing to them that I can use chopsticks, despite living here for over a year (I usually don't even bother explaining that I use them in the States, too). I think Japanese people have a great amount of pride regarding their food, culture and everything else, but assume that for some reason no foreigner would ever appreciate it, or even like it. Is that because they think we just wouldn't “get” it? Or is it something else entirely? I have no idea.

Anyway, I am babbling, but if anyone knows that answer or has a theory, let me know!

Escape from Gunma!

So for the first time in far too long, Cindy and I escaped from Gunma’s grasp on Saturday! We were feeling muy restless and decided to either go to Yokohama or Omiya….we were too lazy and impatient to be on a train for 2 1/2 hours, so we decided on Omiya, and it was a VERY good choice! Omiya is the biggest city in Saitama, the prefecture between Gunma and Tokyo...it is kind of like a mini-Tokyo, sorta. Well, much more Tokyo than any cities in Gunma, hehe.

Anyway, so we get to Omiya, not knowing what to expect (I had been there once, but six years ago and I didn’t really do anything then), and we discover that Omiya has the MOST AMAZING EKI (train station) IN THE WORLD! Like, seriously, you don’t even need to leave the eki! There are like 5 million AMAZING bakeries in one eki! Hello, this place is obviously meant for Cindy and I. On top of that, they have REAL pastries, REAL bread, REAL sandwiches, etc! Then there are like yummy-looking restaurants and shit, too! HELLO!

Anyway, after buying far too many pastries, we leave the eki and find out that Omiya has a Disney Store! We are officially Japanese, as I would totally ignore the Disney Store in the States, but we practically ran to it here! Hahaha. I bought a Stitch toy for my desk, another Stitch strap for my keitai and a STITCH STUFFED ANIMAL! He’s so cute! Yes, I am gay. BUT I decided that I need a boyfriend to hug until my boyo comes here, so Stitch is my boyfriend until March. Wow, this is the most depressing post ever. Anyway!

Oh, also, when I was buying Stitch, the lady at the register was like, “Is this a present?” (to wrap it) and I was like “Um...no...” and she laughed! SAD! Hahahaha.

Anyway, we spent the rest of the day wandering around Omiya. I must say any food addicts MUST go there, as there is a bakery every five feet.

Before we headed back to Gunma, we of course had to raid the bakeries even more. I bought bagels (!!!) to freeze for later, some bread for our dinner the next night, etc.

Wow, this post is really sad, but it was a fun day, god dammit! AND we got great ingredients so that we could make a YUMMY dinner (together) on Sunday night! So yes, it was a good escape from Gunma AND a good way to get fat fat fat!

Here are some pics of my purchases:


Oh, you have no idea how much joy the sight of bagels gives me....mmm...


Bread that ISN'T white?! Unheard of!


Asian-ing my keitai up with some strap action.


For my desk at work, yo.


Stitch!


Sad, he doesn't look very happy to be with me....

God damn you, inaka!

So lately I have been bored to death of living by myself and wishing Eduardo could be here living with me........well, apparently Mother Nature heard of my need for a roommate, as she has sent at least two SCARY-ASS MUKADE to my house in the last three days! Let me tell you, these are NOT acceptable forms of roommates and I do not want any more of them in my apartment, god dammit! One was like half of the size of the other one, so there had better not be some freaky-ass mukade family living in my bed or some shit. Bastards!!!!

For those of you who don't know what mukade are, go ahead and poop your pants while looking at this link (mine were smaller than most of those, but not SMALL by any means!). BAH!

Signs I have been in Japan for too long

-I clap as a way to show my joy or amusement towards anything.

-I was singing to a song the other day and said “rife” instead of “life.” Ruh-roh!

-When a student who has studied English for three years is able to randomly ask me “What are you doing?” in English, I am both extremely impressed and assume that she goes to juku (cram school) for more English help.

-I instantly understand the meaning of the written sentence, “He likes makubonalubo.” (“He likes McDonald’s.”)

Great Undoukai, BAD Enkai!

Friday was Yabuzuka Chuugakkou’s undoukai (sports festival), which is a huge day for the kids and their parents. The kids have been practicing for the various events for a month, and a lot of their parents come to watch their kids race, jump rope, and do other crazy events.

It was a big day for me, as well, as it was my first chuugakkou undoukai! I have been to three shougakkou undoukais and I went to Toyama Minami High School’s a million years ago, but I had to miss Yabuchu’s last year because of a stupid ALT conference. Well, I skipped it this year so I could see the undoukai, and I am VERY glad I did! It was definitely a highlight of my being here.

It is amazing to see how hard the kids work for this! The closest thing you would get to an undoukai in the States would be field day, but that is just for fun and not nearly as much work/organization, etc. Each class within a grade has their own color (with they wear as headbands, use for pom poms, etc.) and they compete with the other classes. The events include races, crazy-ass jump rope events (one that I can’t describe which is crazy, and one in which all 30something kids in each class have to jump together with one huge jump rope), bukatsu competitions (this one is pretty much just for fun…the kids have to race in their sports uniforms. Needless to say, it SUCKS to be a kendo player during this!), and all kinds of other things. The craziest one by far was seriously the most random relay I have ever seen. First one person from each class takes an envelope that has a list of random items in it. They take those items from a pile of random shit, then run to the next part, where a team member spins around a cone 10-20 times (I dunno how many), then runs to the next part, where two kids have to pull a team member on a tire for 50 meters (this sounds harder than it is!). Then the next three kids in the group do a 3-legged race to the end. It was crazy!

Anyway, the whole day was sooooo fun. I just hung out with the kids and cheered with them. It was so amazing to see them cheer for everyone, whether they were in their class or not. They were all really supportive of each other and working their asses off. It actually made me really proud of them, and it showed that they aren’t bad kids after all. So yeah, sugoku kandou shimashita!

That night about half of the teachers went out for an enkai (drinking party), which was extremely fun at the time but BAD NEWS BEARS IN THE END!!!!! Holie!!! At first it was quiet and awkward, as they always are, but after a few beers everyone got genki and rowdy. I fortunately got to hang out with the two youngest teachers, who are muy cool. However, we kept pouring each other beers OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER, as you do at enkais, and it was baaaaaaaaad! I have a feeling I said some stupid-ass shit, but I don’t really remember all of it to be sure! Um, that is scary! After that we went to Shirokiya for the nijikai (2nd party), where I had 3 cocktails that I did NOT need. I am pretty sure I DEFINITELY said stupid stuff there. It is scary, tho, because what happens at an enkai stays at an enkai, so they might know shit and never say it! I guess that is good, but still scary. Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself. Anyway, at Shirokiya, my kouchou sensei busted out this breathalyzer thing that he has? First of all, that is hilarious that he keeps one in his pocket. Second of all, I tested myself, and I SWEAR to god it said 5.0. Um, doesn’t that mean I should be dead?! Surely that can’t be right. Tho I wouldn’t be surprised!

After surely embarrassing myself in ways I don’t remember, I caught the last train back home and promptly ASSED OUT on it. I woke up at what I thought was my stop, but turned out to be the stop AFTER mine! Being that I was shit-faced beyond belief, I wasn’t even surprised, I was just like “Oh, of course!” and started the 30-minute drunk-ass walk back to Yabuzuka eki. Fortunately thanks to my “flat love rate” with Cindy, I was able to have her entertain me via free keitai!

I eventually got back to the eki, drunk-rode my bike home, assed out in my chair in front of the computer, then woke up two hours later and puked my guts out. AWESOME.

Needless to say, the next day was BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! BAD BAD BAD. I wanted to die. Somehow I made it to Shibukawa in the afternoon, but there were points that I just wanted to end my life. DAMN YOU ENKAIS

Pictures update, yo

I put up some new pics on my photos site....undoukai and other stuff. Go check out my cute kids :)

ALTs aren’t supposed to be busy!

So this week has been busy at work, wtf?! I was informed like a month ago that I had to give a presentation at the Isesaki Education Center about shougakkou lessons. In fact, the AMAZING title of my lecture (given to me) was, “Useful English Expressions in English Conversation Activities at Elementary Schools.” Yeah, I dunno what that is supposed to mean, either. Some high-up person in the education system in Gunma picked me for it, not because of my amazing teaching abilities (hehe), but because the presentation had to be in Japanese and they somehow knew I could speak?! Bah!

Anyway, I knew a month ago, but of course I waited until Tuesday to actually plan the lecture and make all of the materials for it...meaning that I worked on it the entire work day AND had to stay 2 1/2 hours late! NOT FUN! I made 28 15-page packets, and didn’t realize how that is a HUGE pain in the ass to put together in Japan, the country of not-friendly copy machines (I had to make each page separately, then put them together in a one-man assembly line. Fun times).

So yeah, yesterday was the presentation and it went okay. Donald, another ALT, was in charge of the 2-hour “let’s learn games for shougakkou class” time, and his was really good and of course fun, because it was games. Then came time for my 1-hour presentation, and it was all boring and shit, because I had to talk about what phrases are useful and what aren’t. Yes, that is TERRIBLY exciting. Anyway, I was all worried that it would not be ANYWHERE near an hour, even with group discussion time, but it lasted an hour and would have lasted longer if I hadn’t cut it off?! I don’t know how that worked out. I was talking a mile a minute and I have NOOOOO clue what I said, but hopefully it made sense and wasn’t TOO boring...I have my doubts! Hehe.

In the end it was all okay, as Cindy and I finally got to try the Vietnamese restaurant in Isesaki! It was yummy...a beer and Vietnamese is always a good way to finish a stressful day, yo!

There goes my mission to avoid Japanese doctors...

I was hoping to go the whole two years in Japan without seeing a scary Japanese doctor, but I had to break down and go to a doctor on Monday, sad! Oh, well, I made it a year, at least.

Anyway, the good news is that Dr. Sakamoto kicks fucking ass because he is totally fluent in English! In fact, his English is better than mine! He kept saying all these medical words as if I had a fucking clue what he was talking about, and I was just like “Oh, yeah, mmmhmm!” He lived in Baltimore before, which is good, because that actually knows what he is doing! Tons of Japanese doctors are like, “I don’t know what you have, so here are some antibiotics!” Er, no thank you. The big question is, what the fuck is an English-fluent doctor doing working in Yabuzuka? Sad!

Japanese doctor offices are weird and depressing, though. First of all it was me and like 10 60 year-olds. Second of all, they send you all over the damn place! They don’t do the American style of sending you from the waiting room, to waiting in the medical room. They transfer you from the waiting room to another room where you do something, then back to the waiting room, then to another room where you do something, then back to the waiting room, then back to one of the previous rooms, etc. It is a lot of moving, yo! It took forever, but oh, well.

Anyway, I had some intestinal thing and the doctor was like, “Don’t eat greasy food, spicy food, or cheese.” Um, FUCK THAT ADVICE!!!!!!!! That is like the worst advice you could ever give me!!!!!! So I think that the whole thing happened because the States poisoned me! How sad is that! My body wasn’t used to all that fatty nasty food, then last weekend I had both Chinese food AND pizza with Tabasco all over it, and I nearly died (I am not dramatic or anything). So yeah...I am still gonna eat that shit, so fuck you, medical institution! Hehehehe.

Land of the an ugly-ass language, here I come! (part 2 of 3)

So I hope I get used to the nastiness known as Mandarin in Taiwan, because Cindy and I booked our China tickets yesterday! It feels like we are actually going there now that we have our tickets. Woot. Plus Northwest somehow had the most amazing deal ever…..a multi-city ticket during winter break was only $566?! I don’t know how that is possible, but whatever! Plus it pushes me to just over 60,000 miles on my frequent flier card! Woot! But yeah, yay, China! Time for lots of food and lots of freezing our asses off!

GROOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!

So the teacher that clipped his toenails in the staffroom long ago (well, I am sure he has done it since, but I blogged about it long ago) is currently CLEANING HIS EARS RIGHT NOW!!!!!! Groooosssssss! In the States that would be gross but not dirty, but Asians use the Asian ear pick thing that is wooden and scoops out the earwax…a normal person would use a Kleenex to clean the earwax off the ear pick, but he is using his hands! GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS! Do your personal grooming on your own time!!!!

My 2nensei are )(#$)(“#$)(“#$)(“#$!!!!!!

Okay, if Yabuchu burns down one day, it is probably my doing. My 2nensei are being the biggest pricks lately, and they will die!!!!! K, not really, but they will feel the ulcers that they are causing in my stomach from not cussing them out and calling them all kinds of names. They seriously cant do ANYTHING in class anymore. They were pretty bad before, but now it is just ridiculous. I decided to cave in and try to give them a fun, easy class today with Go Fish. It isn’t related to what they are studying whatsoever, but I figured that doing SOMETHING in English is better than them not listening to me teaching them. However, they played the game for about five seconds, then started doing magic tricks, making houses of cards, and sleeping. Why do they even come to school?! I don’t get it! GAH STUPID LKJSDFKJNVCOIJWERLKJSDFLKJSDFOIUWERLNCVLKJSDFOIUWEROIUWER!

Japanese teachers need lives!

Dude, I asked my kyoto sensei for nenkyu (time off) two days ago, and my JTE already knows I am going to Taiwan somehow?! Do they have like meetings about us? Also, this makes me paranoid that he is going around like, “Man, that Jeff takes off way too much time to travel around Asia! What a fucking bastard!” Hmm, oh well! But yes, I really don’t know how word spreads so fast. Weird.

Thailand is clazy!

Dude, so I was reading about the Thailand wackiness going on right now, and was amazed at this statistic:

Thailand, a longtime U.S. ally, has had 17 coups since World War II. Rumors of an 18th had been swirling around Bangkok in recent weeks as Thaksin battled considerable pressure to step down.

WTF! That is like three a decade! That is so weird....I can't even imagine that happening? Hmmm. Well, as long as they don't take over the resorts, I don't mind too much ;) Hahahaha, just kidding....yes, kidding.....

The TV season is upon us!

Man, I can't believe that TV shows are already starting!!! I didn't even know half of my shows started this week...time flies when you're...er...sitting at your desk for a whole summer! Hehe. I have already downloaded Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (I will never call it that long-ass title ever again, btw), but I have yet to watch it. I hear it's good! And The Office AND Grey's Anatomy this Thursday, holie! And then Ugly Betty, Veronica Mars, The Nine....so much TV, so little time. Ya know, 'cause I haven't been watching ANY TV since the season ended in May ;)

I need to blog, but I just taught six shougakkou classes and I am too tired, sweaty and stinky to be bothered....tomorrow it is!

Addiction!

Dude, I am soooooooooooooooooooooo addicted to the US version of The Office right now, it is ridiculous! I watched the second season in like five days and I want more of it!!!! It is fucking HILARIOUS! I know some people are loyal to the BBC series and don’t want to give it a try, but I highly recommend it, it is soooooooo good! And Pam and Jim are SO CUTE!!!! Awwwwwww! SO GOOD, I need more crack!!!

Travel Dramarama

So Cindy and I are currently attempting to plan a trip to Taiwan, and it is becoming the biggest pain in the ass EVER! We wanted to go on a 3-day weekend in October so that it would take one less day of nenkyu, but apparently all of Japan is going that weekend, as I applied to like ten tours and they are all full. Since then we have changed our dates in order to FINALLY get a “Yes, we will take your money!” E-Mail from a travel agent….only to get an even worse reply. Last night I got a reply that said (in Japanese), “We’re sorry, but we don’t sell packages to Taiwan to foreigners.” UM!!!!!! Fucking racists Japanese cocksuckers!!!!! Not amusing! I think we should make up Japanese names and be like, “Gotcha, fuckers!” Dude, only in Japan could you actually get away with saying that. Do it the American way and give the minority person really bad service so they “choose” not to do business with you, don’t just flat-out say it! Fuckers!

Clazy 3nensei

My first two days back at school have reminded me that my kids are weird and funny! For 3nensei classes we did this writing practice where they answer the questions in the textbook. Here is the most amusing answer:

1. What would you like to do if you have enough time and money?
I want to go to heaven.

2. Why would you like to do that?
Because I want to die.

3. How long have you wanted to do that?
Since yesterday.

4. How will you feel when you do that?
I’ll be happy.

In the States that would be written by some scary goth person, but this was by a funny kid so it was okay!

And the answer that I most relate with is:

1. What would you like to do if you have enough time and money?
I want to eat until I am full.

2. Why would you like to do that?
Because eating is important.

Aww, a boy after my own heart! It is kinda sad what some of the kids would do with money, though. One person just wanted to go home so she could sleep? Hello, who doesn’t answer “travel around the world” to that question!

From Oregon With Love

No, I am not a sentimental jackass, that is the title of a Japanese TV show (Oregon Kara Ai) from like 25 years ago that old people like to bring up when I say I am from there.

Anyway, highlights of my trip!

-So, I hate Northwest Airlines, but I have a shitload of miles on their alliance and it is the only direct flight from Narita to Portland, which makes it more than worth it. I REFUSE lay-overs because I am a bitch like that. So I was all happy to get to the States directly and stuff, but some motherfucking asshole decided to fuck it all up! About halfway through the flight a flight attendant asked if there was a doctor on board, which is never a good sign. It is even worse when they ask like ten times, as if a doctor will randomly appear out of the luggage hold or something. Might I mention that this is the second flight in a year in which they have asked that….I am cursed!

Anyway, this jackass got sick or some shit and we had to fucking stop in ALASKA to drop the bastard off! Normally I would be more sympathetic, but the bastard fucking WALKED off the plane!!! They were making a huge deal about it (they called the Neo Clinic (?) and the NWA center and stuff and no one knew what was wrong with him, so the flight was suggested to make an emergency landing. First of all, it was only supposed to take 30-40 minutes and it took nearly two hours! They sent in these huge firemen to help him out, so I was expecting them to carry the sick guy out….and he gets up and wanders off by himself! Um, if you are healthy enough to walk we are NOT stopping in fucking Alaska to drop you off, motherfucker! Then they had to search for his luggage because FAA makes you take your luggage off with you. THEN they brought on more food, refueled, and EMPTIED THE GARBAGE?!!!!! Um, just get me to Portland! On top of this, Alaska was 90 minutes out of the way, so it took for fucking ever to get home. Not amusing.

-I went to Eugene (where I went for uni) with Holly on Monday and it was so fun! Eugene is weird because when you live there you want to leave, and when you are gone you miss it! Strange, strange. We mainly went there to eat, and eat we did! I had Burrito Boy, the most amazing burrito place in the entire world! God, I missed the Boy. Holly watched me eat lunch there, then I watched her eat lunch at Glendwood. Hahaha. We missed our shit, yo! We went to my precious Eugene location of Trader Joe’s (no hot Kevin to be found, saaaaaaaaad!), where I was recognized by a worker, bad sign. Ah, TJ’s. Then we visited my old apartment and stuff and wandered around the U of O campus. Awww, it was nice to be back! Natsukashikatta!

After that we had an early happy hour and saw The Devil Wears Prada, which was really good! I recommend it, yo. Then we wandered a bit and had Ring of Fire, the best Thai restaurant in the world!!!!! MMMMMMMMMM. I had some rockin’ phad voon sen and then had their AMAZING tempura bananas with home-made coconut ice cream. Holly didn’t want any, so I ate the whole thing by myself! Hmm, I wonder how I got fat during the trip! FUCK, it was amazing. That was worth the $1200 flight right there!

-I caught up all kinds of movies! I watched Thank You for Smoking and…er…shit, I forget what on the plane. Something else I had wanted to see, I forget. Anyway, neither were amazing, sadly. I had high hopes for Thank You, but it wasn’t that great. Hrm. I also rented The Family Stone, Transamerica, and Spellbound. They were all fine but not amazing, either. I rented Capote but didn’t have time to watch it. Then Holly and I went to Quinceanera (yes, the n should have squiggly, Eduardo) and Little Miss Sunshine. Quinceanera is over-rated, in my opinion…it was fine, but also not amazing. LMS was funny, I liked it! Yay for catching up on stuff that will never come here!

-I got to see my little Samuel Clemens!!!!! (my dog, Sammy) She is soooooooooo cute, awwww, I missed her. She didn’t realize who I was for a minute, which is depressing, but she quickly remembered! Awwww, I want her here with me in Japan!!! She wouldn’t look at me on the day I left, she was pissed! I felt bad. Apparently she was pouting all day long, awwww! Little Samuel Clemens is clazy like that.

-Lots of shopping and eating were done! I have new clothes, TONS of products, and about 10 extra pounds on me! I also drank a shitload of alcohol and am currently making amends with my liver. He’s not talking to me right now, but I am sure he will cave in eventually.

-I went to Shanda’s wedding on the last Saturday, which was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun. It was weird to see (chubby!) GHS alum, but I am so glad I went! Shanda looked AMAZING and their ceremony was sweet! And short! YAY to non-Catholic weddings!!!!!! Aww, I may have gotten a little misty-eyed. Afterwards we danced our asses off and I burned off at least one meal from the vacation :) Aww, it was soooooooooo fun!

I did lots more stuff, but I am too lazy to write about it. I am really glad I went, though. I didn’t realize how much I missed places and my friends and family until I went (and came back to Japan). It was surprising! But it was fun fun fun, yies yies yies.

Now I am back in the land of everything-being-too-short, no car for Jefu, work and muggy weather, bah! But it’s all good, except for the work and weather part. I don’t wanna teach again, I like summer vacation! Also, because I got used to Oregon weather I am seriously sweating my ASS off and looking really embarrassing. I am just covered in sweat and everyone else is fine. Oy.

Anyway, yeah, America=fun, but Japan=fun, too! The end.

Do do do do America, do do do do America! Do do do do America, do do do do America!

Cant you tell from my subject that I am singing the song from West Side Story? Mmmmhmmmm. Anyway, I went back to the States for 10-ish days! I had a great time…..TONS of shopping, TONS of eating, and TONS of drinking! I gained approximately seven billion kilos over the course of ten days, and I am sure my liver is not amused with me, either, as I drank like 9 of the days! Bad news bears, but fun, so who cares!

Anyway, I will write about the trip later….I will just write random thoughts for now:

-Dude, I forgot what it felt like to live in a country that isn’t ridiculously humid!!! People were complaining about the heat and I was like, “you think this is hot?!” It was sooooooooooooo nice to not be sweating all of the time (and barely sweating at all ever!). However, I was a huge pussy when it came to the “cold,” as it got cool a couple of the nights and I was freezing my damn ass off!

-It wasn’t too weird to drive for the first time in 13 months, but I did have about five driving-on-the-left-side incidents. Fortunately most of them occurred when I was only the passenger!

-It is weird, because literally RIGHT when I get back to the States, I go back into American mode. The same thing happened last time I went back (after study abroad). Right when I get in the airport it feels like I haven’t spent however long in Japan and nothing is TOO strange and foreign. In fact, I had more reverse culture shock at Narita than in Oregon! But that was a pleasant surprise. Other than seriously staring at all of the faaaaaaaaaaaaaat people and freaking out about how tall everyone around me was, I didn’t have many issues.

-Because I was in American mode, it also didn’t seem like it had been 13 months since having good cheeses, good wine, prosciutto, cheap Mexican food, microbrews, gooooooood pizza, Thai food, good Chinese food, etc. Like, it was nice to have them, but it didn’t seem like I had been dreaming about them for 13 months (yes, I am a loser)! Strange.

-Service workers in the States aren’t as rude as I remember them, yo! I thought I would freak out that they didn’t have a Japanese way of service about them, but everyone was way nice! It was creepy! I did seem retarded half the time, though, because I don’t remember how to make stupid small talk and answer the random questions they ask at registers and stuff. I sounded like a foreign exchange student or something!

-Although I had English issues while there (dude, any optional vocab words have been completely erased from my mind), I didn’t have too many accidental Japanese moments! I nearly sumimasen-ed waiters for the first few days (the closest I came was opening my mouth to say it to an Asian-American waiter….sneaky non-Asian Asians! Hehehehe), but I did a lot better than I thought. However, a world without “abunai,” “deshou,” and “neeeeee!” is a world I don’t want to be a part of!

I am sure I have more shit to say, but this is boring so I will end it!

Cindy is quicker than me at blogging!

So, the big news of the week (well, other than going home) is that Cindy and I got new keitais! Yeeeeea! I was bored as shit with my keitai and wanted a new one, plus all of the new JETs have shiny new phones and I was jealous! We got the same keitai as like every new JET, but I'll ignore that and pretend that we're both very original!

Anyway, Cindy is a big nerd with lots of free time (unlike me!) and blogged exactly what I was going to say, so go here and read it! NOW!

(oh, mine is a black version of her keitai)

Yet another bored staffroom observation

Japan is the home of CHEAP-AS eye glasses that are also really cool and hip. They are soooo much better than glasses in the States. Therefore it is even more surprising to see some of my teacher's choices of reading glasses. My tea lady has the CRAZIEST glasses I have ever seen. They are bright yellow plastic frames that seriously look like toy glasses you would get in a Happy Meal or something. I thought they were fake the first time I saw them, but I realized she doesn't really have that kind of sense of humor, plus she has used them since then. I want to take a sneaky picture!

I have one teacher who is a total man's man....he drinks beer and smokes like a chimney every day, and like refuses to eat vegetables and fruit? Whatever. Anyway, right now he is wearing glasses that seriously look like ones my grandma would wear! They are huge pink-ish/orange-ish frames that really CAN'T be men's glasses. WTF!

Dude, ALTs should start a makeover show for our teachers! That would be awesome! Away with these ugly glasses!

I can't think of a good title for this entry!

So last week was orientation for the new JETs, which is 3 days of info about contracts, team-teaching, housing, living in Japan, etc. It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was one of the JETs taking notes on how to clean my apartment using weird Japanese cleaning supplies, or worrying about what my classes would be like. However, watching the presentations, it amazed me how much I have learned in the last year! It was funny to see the presentations for a second time, because I can't imagine NOT knowing the stuff that I have learned in the last year. Like, "Duh, of course we need dry pets in our apartment to suck up the humidity so the apartment doesn't mold!" or "Of course you have to be at work before the morning meeting, why would you ever think otherwise?!", etc etc. It was really weird to think about how much I just consider basic knowledge, when it really isn't when you think about it. It's cool, and makes me appreciate the opportunities that JET provides even more! <--man, does it sound like I am in a job interview or what?! But seriously, it does!

At the same time, it is weird to think of all of the pop culture stuff that I have missed in the last year! At karaoke, the new JETs were singing songs I had NEVER heard of but artists I had never heard of! Sad! It is weird to think that the world has been going on without me. Last year, Cindy and I couldn't believe that the 2nd year JETs didn't know Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" at karaoke, and now we are those clueless 2nd years!

I was also looking at movie listings for when I go home, as I want to catch up on independent movies that will never come here...and I didn't know like 2/3 of the movies that are showing!

I dunno, it is just weird to think about. I know I am gonna have some INTENSE reverse culture-shock when I get there, as Americans are rude-ass bitches, especially in stores and stuff. A couple times lately at my local Coop, the workers didn't immediately shriek "IRASSHAIMASEEEEEEE!" (welcome) when I came in and I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you bitches?! Man, I am in for a rude awakening!