I have a new woman in my life...

Yesterday was a monumental day....a new diva has entered Jeff's life! She's Columbian, has an amazingly flat stomach and sings weird...and she's amazing!



Yes, that's right, Shakira is my new girlfriend. I'm as surprised as you are! I used to think she was just a skinny chick who sang funny and used her international stardom as a con to bring cocaine to various countries via her stomach (hello, she's Columbian, that's all they know how to do!), but I was wrong!

In March my sister gave me MP3s of her greatest hits album in Spanish and I hadn't listened to them 'til yesterday. Holy shit, I was missing out! It is fucking GOOD SHIT! It combines my favorite things...hip-shaking dance rhythms (hello, is there any other way to dance?!), my odd habit of liking music in languages I don't understand, and diva-ness! Plus it is the BEST music for half-naked dancing in my apartment, which happens often now due to hot weather and naked time being re-instated. What more could you ask for, really?

8 times 9 is….er…..

Morita Sensei is the same age as me and is the coolest teacher at my school (i.e. he recognizes my existence!). Anyway, he’s funny and I’m lucky because this year we teach special needs English together (but he is usually a math teacher).

Today he randomly gave me a multiplication table and told me it was my summer homework…..ack! I hadn’t done math since high school (yay bachelor of arts in college)! Anyway, I was bored this afternoon and did it, but had issues with some of the problems! Saaaaaaaaaad! Hello, it was only 1 through 9! Not a good sign. However, he gave me some more sheets to do during summer. Woot, I’m gonna re-learn math, motherfuckers!


Dude, how do Japanese teachers not get sick of circling correct answers?! Anyway, check out all that red, bitches (well, you can't see it very well, but every answer is circled in red)! Here that's a good sign!


Kawaiiiiiiii!

Pep Assembly…Minus the Pep

Today we had a “pep assembly” after school. However, it was the most boring, un-peppy assembly I’ve ever seen! How do Japanese people start pep assemblies? By having the kids put their heads down in silence! FUN! After that, all of the kids who are in bukatsu wore their uniforms and walked in to “applause”…i.e. the teachers clapping half-assed while everyone else slowly died from the heat of the gym (it was literally 40 degrees or more in there). After going through the usual necessities (bow, “we’d like to start this assembly, please,” bow, sing the school song, bow), the captain of each team said something along the lines of, “We’ll be sure to win. Thank you for your support.” Then we “clapped” them out and that was it. WOOOOOOOOOO, I need some medicine ‘cause I have SCHOOL SPIRIT FEVER from that assembly!

Thank god I live in Japan

Many mornings I wake up, get ready, and go to unlock my door to leave, only to discover that the front door to my apartment was unlocked the entire night because I’m retarded and ADD when getting home from work.

Well, I topped off that stupidity this week when I went to leave, grabbed my keys…well, went to grab my keys, and they weren’t where I always put them. After freaking out for a second, I realized they were in a very safe, natural place for them to be….in the fucking door! Yes, my keys were in the lock from 4 PM until 8 AM. Niiiiiiiice.

The weird thing about it is that I woke up at about 5 or 6 in the morning and could swear it sounded like someone was in my apartment. I knew the door was locked, so I figured the people above me were just noisy…however, it REALLY sounded like someone was in my house. Hmm. Well, either way nothing is missing, so I guess it’s okay! Hehe. Good ol’ Japan!

I left America to DECREASE my chances of getting bombed, god dammit!

Hrm, Abe is not helping things!

Attack of the Flies

Apparently the poopy smell of Yabuzuka attracts flies from around the world, as every summer the staffroom is ATTACKED by flies. There are soooooooooo many in here it is fucking gross! The only fun part about this fact is that male teachers who aren’t teaching go around the staffroom and kill as many flies as possible. Armed with a fly swatter and passive-aggressive anger, no flies in Yabu stand a chance! I was watching two teachers fly-swatting for about a half hour before I joined in on the festivities. It’s a good way to bond with the teachers!

3 ways to get a Japanese teacher to talk to you:

1. Go somewhere and give them candy.
2. Talk about the weather (either “It’s cooooooooold!” or “It’s hoooooooooot!”)
3. Kill some flies!